During my awakening process, in which I began to peel away my layers one by one, I came closer and closer to the raw truth. I wasn’t running away from him, but from the mirror he held up to me. I had inner work to do. The deeper and deeper I penetrated to the core, the more I began to embrace myself again. I finally became kind to myself once more. Today, I see myself as the absolute Queen in my own story; I don’t let anything or anyone hold me back anymore.

By now, it no longer matters to me how the future between us will unfold. What I wish for both of us is that we step fully into our own power and that is exactly what we are now doing, separate from each other. I truly wish such an energetic catalyst for everyone. Because at the end of the ride, when the walls of concrete have collapsed, you feel completely whole and complete again. We get to reclaim our own strength and stand unconditionally for who we truly are. Experiencing the love within ourselves; after all, that is one of the few things that really matter.

Wherever you stand in your process right now whether you are brand new to your awakening process or have been on this path for a while remember that healing knows no time. You simply need the time you need, and you will never completely ‘be there’. Healing is a lifelong process. It is absolutely not a straight line upwards. It goes with sharp turns, upward spurts, a few big steps back: here we go again.

What helped me tremendously at the time was a number of crucial questions I asked myself. These are the anchors for your compass:

• Why do I feel the way I feel at this exact moment?

• If I could wish for anything and it was guaranteed to come true, what would it be?

• What deeper feeling does this wish give me?

• What are my absolute core values?

• What are my deepest desires?

I can imagine very well that when you are deeply stuck in your old patterns, you cannot easily access your feelings. You get stuck and find yourself trapped inside the overthinking in your mind. I used to have that terribly too. What helped me back then to ‘ground’ instantly was a very simple exercise: rub your index finger and your thumb firmly together. Because of that physical stimulus, you drop right out of your head. Another down-to-earth tip: consciously wiggle your toes.

Then ask yourself the question: What feeling do I truly want to experience right now? For me, the answer back then was crystal clear: freedom. I wanted so desperately to be free. Or ask yourself even more simply: What were the absolute highlights of my life, and what warm feeling did you get from them?

There are so many questions you can ask yourself. It doesn’t matter how many there are. What it ultimately comes down to is that you are allowed to awaken as the beautiful soul you already are in your core. You are already whole and complete; you only have to REMEMBER it.

Thank you for mirroring that I am worthy. For showing me that I am allowed to experience my own value simply by looking into your eyes. Thank you for the patience you’ve had with me, even when I struggled to find it for myself.

Thank you for supporting me, even from afar. I now experience that I am worth choosing, and I am so grateful that you gave me the space to grow by standing firmly in your own power. It has been a difficult road, but looking back, I see it as a beautiful path that I am still allowed to walk together with you.

I am so deeply grateful that you entered my life, allowing me to become the best version of myself. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Regardless of the fact that we have no contact in the physical world, I feel a sincere, heartfelt love and a profound sense of gratitude.

I know that for now, we are each shining our light in different corners of the world. But we are always in touch. We are forever connected.

When we first met, I knew immediately that this wouldn’t be a normal relationship. It wasn’t a romantic fairy tale, but a raw journey of growth. A path of falling, crawling, and getting back up, over and over again.

When does this become “normal”?
People often ask when you actually start to experience this unity instead of the pain of separation. In my experience, it happens the moment the internal struggle stops.
It becomes your “new normal” when:

• The fear disappears: You no longer see the other person as a threat or someone who “pulls” at you.

• Silence is okay: You realize that physical distance doesn’t change the connection. You feel them anyway, whether they are in another country or standing right next to you. The panic of “losing” them is gone.

• You choose yourself: Ironically, you feel the most “one” with them when you are fully focused on your own path.

To me, unity consciousness isn’t about sitting on a pink cloud; it’s the realization that everything you do for yourself directly affects the connection. We were never truly apart; we were simply learning to become whole within ourselves.

At that time, I knew nothing about twin flames, despite the synchronicities appearing on my path. Because I rejected him so strongly in the physical world (3D), he started appearing in my meditations and dreams. In those dreams, he had a different appearance, yet my soul recognized him instantly.

This only made my doubts grow. My mind would say: “See, it’s not him, because in my dream he has dark hair instead of blond.” It was a constant back-and-forth. I was actually thinking about him all the time, but because of that constant pushing and pulling, I thought: “This can’t be true.”

It wasn’t until I went into therapy and truly learned how to feel that everything became clear. I managed to get close to myself again. I realized I could actually feel the “pulling” energy. I would get these obsessive thoughts about him out of nowhere, sometimes lasting for days. It was only then that I understood what was happening: it was the energetic pull between us.

For me, the Dark Night of the Soul was not a phase I could move through quickly. It was a total restructuring of my life. While I thought I just had to “keep going,” my body pulled the emergency brake. I became ill, I lost my job, and I had to say goodbye to my father. This was no coincidence; my old foundation had to be completely demolished before my inner masculine energy could awaken.

I have learned that the Kundalini can only truly flow when we completely release control. This is often the point where the outside world thinks “nothing” is happening, while inside, an entire world is collapsing and being rebuilt.

True transformation requires patience. It is not about running away from a situation, but about fully facing your own shadows. That takes time. It took me years before I could start building again from that raw emptiness toward what truly makes me happy: writing, painting, and enjoying the silence.

Sharing my story is not intended to offer a “quick fix,” but to show that the long road is often the only road to a foundation that truly lasts. The peace I experience now exists precisely because I took the time for the breakdown.

It was a very brief encounter. I was still in the final stages of my Dark Night; I was drinking heavily and was completely exhausted. But when our eyes met, I felt an explosion that went through my very marrow and bone. It was an intensity unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. It happened quickly, and then our paths diverged again. This was three years after our first meeting. It was so intense I had truly never felt anything like it before.

Since then, so much has changed; I have become a completely different woman.

Many twin flame teachers claim that the Divine Masculine does not go through a Dark Night of the Soul. That is clearly not true I am living proof of it. We simply tend to enter it later, only once the Divine Feminine starts standing in her own power. Only then can our walls come down. Once everything has crumbled, we can experience the Kundalini because we meet you again or speak with you.

When the Kundalini hit, I didn’t even know it was a Kundalini awakening at the time. I just noticed that certain friendships were no longer in alignment with me. I removed them from my life. It caused me a lot of pain; it certainly wasn’t an easy choice.

I began to stand up for myself more and more, expressing what I needed and what I didn’t. I started broadening my perspective on life by reading books. I finally learned how to be alone again and to enjoy my own company. I returned to my passions: painting and writing. These were things I loved as a young girl. I also took a course in acrylic pouring, which teaches you to let everything go; fantastic paintings emerge, as long as you just let it all go.

It has now been three years since I experienced my Kundalini awakening. I know there are so many beautiful moments yet to come. When I felt it was time to share my story, I took action immediately. The story of the Divine Masculine is hardly ever heard, because they are in the middle of a process they feel they must go through alone.

Keep a journal to track how you feel and what you are currently moving through. This will help you gain clarity on where your biggest blockages lie. For deeper issues, do not hesitate to seek out a psychologist or therapist. Reaching out for professional help is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of; in fact, it is incredibly courageous. It shows that you value yourself enough to invest in your own well-being.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of leadership over your own life. You are choosing to no longer be a victim of your patterns, but to become the architect of your own healing. While this work is important for everyone, it is essential for twin souls because everything is mirrored back to you twice as intensely by your counterpart.

Whatever irritates, triggers, or hurts you in the other person is often a suppressed part of yourself. Your twin soul acts as a flawless mirror, highlighting the exact shadow sides you would rather keep hidden. By doing shadow work, you release the “charge” of these projections.

Why shadow work is essential:
Shadow work isn’t about fighting your demons; it’s about inviting the rejected parts of yourself to the table. Only when you accept these parts can you create the space for the unconditional self-love required for a twin soul union.

Activities to help you get closer to your feelings:

• Meditation

• Walking in nature

• Painting or art

• Journaling

• Handcrafts

Practical tips for the shadow work itself:

• Reverse your affirmations: Identify which negative thoughts about yourself keep recurring and investigate their origin.

• Inner child work: Many dark thoughts stem from childhood. Visualize yourself talking to the younger version of you.

• The “Why” question: When you feel triggered, repeatedly ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this?” until you reach the deepest core.

These are a few practical tips to help you on your way. Explore what works best for you, as everyone’s journey is unique.

Remember: the deeper you dare to dive into your own shadow, the more light you can allow into your life and your union.

This is the only way for the DM to be allowed to grow. On a soul level, this agreement has already been made; it just needs to be played out in 3D. We feel and know exactly when that moment has arrived.

A DM only feels safe enough to grow when the DF is no longer emotionally dependent on him. As long as she “clings,” he feels responsible for her happiness and that is a pressure he simply cannot carry. In the beginning, this feels like a total loss of control, but it is precisely that loss of control that leads to surrender.

Once the DM has awakened, it is crucial to practice self-forgiveness, recognizing that this behavior was a necessary part of the shared journey.

Based on my own experience, breaking contact with the DM is absolutely vital. Separation is a necessity because the DM can only truly grow when the DF stands firmly in her own power.

The DM often displays toxic behavior, rooted deeply in fear. They are frequently addicted to the attention they receive from the DF; as long as you keep responding, they know there is still something to “get” from you. Think of it as an energetic umbilical cord connecting the two. When the DF finally cuts this cord, the DM falls into a dark, silent void.

As long as the DF is present, the DM can blame her for his inner unrest. When she is gone, the scapegoat vanishes. He is then forced to look inward, at his own shadows and traumas.

By continuing to pull or chase, the DF actually keeps the DM “small.” By breaking contact, she restores his dignity, giving him the space to fight his own battles and become the true King of his own life. On a soul level, the DM is actually asking for this. His soul says: “Thank you for letting go, for now I can finally find my own way home.”

Once this shift occurs, you will see the end of broken appointments and empty promises. Only in this sacred silence can the masks fall, and the real transformation begin.

During my Dark Night of the Soul, the Universe began sending me signs. They were there to remind me that I wasn’t alone during this difficult time. White doves, feathers, butterflies suddenly appearing inside my home... and dreams so vivid they felt like reality.

Then there were the numbers: 11:11, 222, 111 And his name. His name kept popping up everywhere. Walking past strangers, I would suddenly hear them say it. It was as if the world was constantly whispering his presence to me, even when I tried to move on.

I once dreamed that I was running away from him. I just kept running, and running, and running. As the Divine Masculine, I wanted to stay in control; I wanted to be strong and flee from what I felt. But he kept chasing me. I grew so weary of the constant flight that I finally turned around to rest. We embraced, and he said: “We are forever connected by this golden cord.” In that moment, I felt the resistance drain from my body. I said: “I surrender.”

Usually, it is so hard for the DM to allow this in. We want to understand everything with our minds; everything has to be logical. We dismiss the signs as ‘coincidence’ to avoid losing control. But when it happens this often, you can no longer ignore it. The Universe stops tapping you on the shoulder and starts knocking on your door.

These signs aren’t meant to confuse us; they are meant to wake us up. To pull us out of our heads and lead us back to that golden cord. Because no matter how hard you run as a DM, the love of the DF and the guidance of the Universe will always bring you back to what is real. Surrender isn’t a weakness it’s coming home.

Losing my job the very anchor of my identity felt like a betrayal of the life I had constructed. I was thrust into a year-long mandatory reintegration process, forced to apply for new roles while my body was still drowning. It was an absolute grind. I was hitting a wall of exhaustion every single day. During this period of profound depression and physical depletion, my father passed away. My rock was gone.

The Bedrock
That was the absolute bottom. There was no lower point to reach. Everything I used to identify myself was stripped away in an instant. Every pillar that supported my ego was demolished.

As a rational person, I faced something I never thought possible: my mind, which had always provided a solution, was rendered powerless. I could no longer reason my way out of the pain. The control I had fought so hard to maintain was exposed as an illusion.

The Silent Battle
While the Divine Feminine often finds strength in community and expression, the Divine Masculine heals in solitude. It is an internal overhaul where we go to war with our own ego and ratio. It is a confrontation that happens behind closed doors.

While the outside world saw a grieving or ill woman, an entire internal structure was being dismantled. I had to confront my deepest fears: the fear of being “nothing” without my professional title, the fear of raw vulnerability, and the dismantling of patterns that no longer served my soul.

The Awakening
Only when my walls were leveled to the ground did the space emerge for something new. The silence was no longer a void; it became a foundation of truth.
Stripped of all 3D certainties, I finally began to feel what my soul had known all along. The Dark Night wasn’t a punishment; it was a strategic liberation from the version of myself I thought I had to be.

The Gaze
He looked at me lovingly for what felt like an eternity. I felt a primal fear bubbling up a fear that made me feel suddenly small, unworthy, and terrified. My mind raced to regain control, frantically creating assumptions to push him away. It was an overwhelming sensation, one that felt truly extreme.

This fear is the mirror of the twin flame connection. In that loving gaze, I see not only the other person but everything within myself that remains unhealed. The DM is used to being the “strong one,” but in this moment, every mask crumbles. That sense of being ‘unworthy’ is the deepest wound: the fear that if I am truly seen for who I am, I will never be enough.

The Magnetic Pull
Later that evening, he kissed me, and I was hit by something far more confusing: a heavy, irresistible magnetic pull. It felt like a magnet was tugging at my entire being.

This is the paradox of the DM experience: the absolute terror of the soul clashing with the inevitable attraction of the Source. While my mind screams for safety, my soul recognizes its counterpart. It is a journey between two worlds: the safe, controlled 3D-reality and the boundless, intense realm of the soul.

The Fear: Skydiving for the First Time
The fear is deep rooted. It’s the feeling of skydiving for the first time the moment the plane door opens and the wind hits you. It is a state of extreme panic that settles in my chest and upper abdomen, a physical reaction that took over my entire system.

When that door opens, there is no turning back. The freefall into the connection marks the end of the ego. For the DM, ‘surrender’ is often misinterpreted as ‘losing oneself.’ Running away is not a rejection of the other; it is a desperate attempt to find solid ground before the depths swallow us whole.

The Mask
That is the exact moment the mask reappears. The second I feel ‘solid ground’ beneath my feet, I act as if the freefall never happened. Not because I’ve forgotten, but because the memory of that depth is simply too heavy to carry into daily life.

The mask is my armor. But I realize now that within that armor, I can never truly experience the love I am so afraid of and yet, so deeply long for.

The moment he starts chasing, it feels to me as the Divine Masculine as if I am completely overwhelmed by a fear I truly do not want to feel. It feels like a hand is placed on my throat, slowly squeezing shut. I try to catch my breath, but I only succeed when I run away. That flight isn’t from him; it’s from a part of myself I’m not yet willing or able to face. It feels heavy, burdened, and suffocating.

But then comes the moment he stops. The pressure fades, and that hand on my throat finally lets go. The first thing I feel is an enormous sense of relief; I can finally breathe again without that constriction. The heaviness disappears, replaced by a silence I hadn’t known before.

In that silence, I actually start to miss him. Because he’s no longer pulling at me, I finally realize how hard I was actually running. The fear makes way for a soft kind of grief and a deep realization: I wasn’t just running away from him, I was running away from the love I didn’t yet allow myself to have. Now that the chase has ended, the only path left is the way back inward, to myself.

It felt natural, despite the nerves. I no longer had to fight for a spot in an office or beg for a job that exhausted me. The gallery was my new place in the world. A place of beauty, of silence, and of pure expression. I was no longer the “useful” worker; I had become the artist of my own life. The circle was complete: from the hard walls of concrete to the soft canvases in the gallery.

The Truth Behind the Illusion: No Quick Fix

If there is one thing I have learned during this six-year storm, it is this: there is no quick fix. Do not believe the so-called teachers who tell you that a “mirror work” course or a few affirmations in the mirror will save you. They are selling you a Band-Aid for a wound that requires surgery. You don’t start believing you are beautiful or whole just by saying it to yourself every day; you only start believing it once you’ve crawled through the mud and come out the other side.

The real work goes deep. It’s in your cells, in your nervous system, in the years of walls you built up just to survive. You don’t tear that down with a hundred-euro meditation. Your entire life has to be overturned. You must be willing to lose everything your job, your status, your mask, even your father to discover who emerges from beneath the rubble.

The Guide in the Darkness

Your Twin Soul, your DF (Divine Feminine), is not your partner for a cozy Sunday afternoon. The DF is the catalyst. He or she leads you through your deepest, darkest valleys not by holding your hand, but by forcing you to look at yourself. It is a raw, merciless journey. But if you have the courage to keep walking, that same path will eventually lead you to your highest peaks. To the opera, to the silence, to the gallery.

My advice to every Divine Masculine currently sitting in the darkness: stop fixing. Stop searching for the exit. Sit in the mud, feel the pain, and wait until the walls crumble on their own. Only then is space created for the colors that were inside you all along.

In my mind, I traveled back to my youth, far away from healthcare work, the pubs, and the walls. There I saw myself again: a little girl with a pencil and a brush. Drawing and painting had been my language long before I learned to stay silent.

The Flow of Letting Go

I came across an acrylic pouring course and decided to sign up. It felt exciting, but also immediately like coming home. The beauty of pouring is that you have to surrender control; the paint flows across the canvas, creating patterns that you cannot fully direct. For someone who always wanted to keep a grip on everything, this was the ultimate therapy.

The first time that paint flowed over the edges of the canvas, I felt my love for art come back to life. It was as if I took that little girl from the past by the hand and told her: “It’s okay, we’re allowed to play again.” Painting became my new outlet my way of finally giving the inner world I had suppressed for so long the space it deserved. The walls had been permanently replaced by canvases full of color.

The Call of the Gallery

Only seven months after I first let that fluid paint flow over a canvas, the impossible happened. I was given the opportunity to exhibit my work in a real gallery. Not a dusty corner in a community center, but a place where art is taken seriously.

When I heard the news, a jolt of tension shot through my body. It was that old, familiar fear: Am I good enough? What will they think of my inner world on this canvas? But deeper than the fear, I felt something else: a calling. It was as if the universe was saying to me: “You’ve spent three years toiling in the mud, you’ve torn down your walls, and you’ve learned to be alone. Now it’s time to show the light that has come through those cracks.”

It took time a lot of time to realize that I don’t need anyone else to validate my worth. To understand that I can watch a movie alone and genuinely enjoy it, without needing to share it or prove anything to anyone else. That confidence knowing that I am enough for myself was the hardest lesson, but also my greatest liberation. I am no longer what I do; I am who I am in the silence.

The Threshold of Discomfort

The first few times I walked into a café alone or sat at a table by myself in a restaurant, I felt terribly awkward. I absolutely did not want to be there. I was convinced that everyone was staring at me, thinking: “What is she doing here all by herself?” I probably radiated discomfort from every pore; I sat there stiffly in my chair, praying for time to pass quickly.

But I forced myself to stay. I knew that this was the only path toward my freedom.

Liberation through Repetition

The more often I crossed those thresholds, the more the fog in my mind began to clear. I started looking around and realized I wasn’t the only one at all. There were plenty of people enjoying a coffee or a movie on their own. It had been inside my own head all along; the world didn’t care, but my ego was screaming bloody murder because it had lost control.

Now, three years later, I look back on that with a smile. What I used to dread has become my greatest luxury. I love being alone. That independence the deep seated knowledge that I don’t need anyone else to have a wonderful afternoon is the most powerful transformation of my entire journey. I have finally become my own best company.

When I stand before a painting in a museum now, or read a book in a café, I don’t feel alone. I feel connected to myself. I’ve learned that I can rely on my own foundation; that I am my own best company. This autonomy is the true reward of the Dark Night: I am no longer a prisoner within my walls, but the queen of my own domain. I am free.

The Silent Renovation: Architecture of the Soul

The period between the collapse in 2022 and my first painting in 2025 was anything but stagnant. I wasn’t sitting still; I was rebuilding. Layer by layer, I tore down my old, closed-minded self. Every movie I watched alone in the cinema, every lecture I attended, and every book I read acted as a sledgehammer against my old walls.

I was stretching the boundaries of my own thoughts. I got to know myself outside the confines of healthcare work and the pub. I discovered that I could enjoy the silence, new information, and my own company. These three years were the necessary preparation; I was tilling the soil so that something truly mine could eventually grow.

The Awakening

Only when that new foundation of peace and self-knowledge was solid enough did creativity finally emerge in late 2025. Painting wasn’t an accident; it was the harvest of three years of hard work on myself.

In the seven months that I’ve been painting now, I am truly speaking to my inner child for the first time. I no longer have to run away from my feelings, because those three years taught me how to stay present with myself. The gallery is the crowning achievement of that work. The universe nodded: “You are ready.” There I stood no longer as the savior, but as a woman who dares to take up her own space.

The Myth of “Must”: The Battle Against the Urge to Prove Myself

The hardest battle I fought during those three years wasn’t against illness or loneliness, but against my own urge to prove myself. It was woven into my very fiber that I had to be “someone” who worked, who produced, who mattered in society. Even when my body screamed that it couldn’t go on, I still tried to force myself to work. Letting go of that ‘useful’ self-image was a struggle that took years.

At the same time, I fought another battle: the struggle to learn to trust myself. I had to rediscover myself entirely, like a child learning to walk for the first time.

My old self was closed-minded. I was stuck in a narrow tunnel of survival and judgment. Anything that didn’t fit into my small world, I dismissed as nonsense or “for old people.” But after the crash, that tunnel felt like suffocation. I wanted out. I wanted my world to become larger than my own small circle of pain and walls.

I began to consciously break my mind open. I started going to the cinema alone not to kill time, but to truly learn how to enjoy a story without the noise of others around me. My thoughts, which used to be permanently set to “safety” and “control,” finally began to have the space to wander. I started reading books and, for the first time in decades, let my imagination run wild.

The Great Reversal

The most bizarre change took place in my ears. For years, Metal had been my soundtrack; a wall of loud sound where I could deposit my aggression and restlessness. It was my armor against the silence. But suddenly, I could no longer listen to it. After all, the walls were already gone, so why would I still try to build them up with sound?

I discovered Classical Opera. From heavy guitars to the refined drama of the human voice. Where Metal helped me to numb myself, Opera helps me to feel myself. I now enjoy the depth, the emotion, and the history within the music. I found a new language in art museums as well. I no longer just look at a painting; I experience it.

By broadening my world, I discovered that I was no longer dependent on the opinions of others. I built my own ‘me-time,’ my own safe haven. I learned that being alone is not the same as being lonely. Being alone is the place where I finally met myself.

The Freedom of Solitude

If you had told me six years ago that I would go to a museum, a cinema, or a restaurant by myself, I would have called you crazy. I hated it. Being alone felt like a confrontation I couldn’t handle. I always needed someone a date, a friend, a patient to feel whole and complete. Silence was my greatest enemy.

But through my process, I discovered that my twin soul apparently sought out that solitude effortlessly. He went his own way, out on his own, seemingly undisturbed. That was one of the greatest lessons I was allowed to mirror from him.

We only saw each other once more after that shock. That was enough. The activation had happened; the seed was planted. From that moment on, my true journey of rebuilding began. Not a rebuilding of new walls or a better career, but a rebuilding of my soul.

In the void that the Dark Night had left behind, something new finally began to grow. I no longer had to run; I no longer had to rescue anyone. All I had to do was learn how to be. The Kundalini was the fuel I needed to look at my traumas layer by layer, to embrace my inner child, and to discover what truly made me happy. The real rebirth had begun.

The Great Cleanse: Choosing the Source

The Kundalini explosion had awakened something within me that could no longer be silenced: my self-worth. Suddenly, it was over. The woman who felt she had to save everyone was gone.

I began a rigorous ‘great cleanse’ of my social life. Friendships that were only about ‘taking’ were resolutely cut off. I stopped pleasing, I stopped lending money that I desperately needed myself, and I stopped carrying other people’s burdens. For the first time in years, I put myself first. Not out of selfishness, but out of the bitter necessity of survival.

The Law of the tides

My recovery didn’t move in a straight line upward; it came in waves. It was like the tides of the sea. There would be a phase of intense action where I broke patterns and ended friendships, followed by a period of deep rest. I had to recover, letting the new energy settle into my ailing body.

As soon as I regained my strength, the next layer would reveal itself. Then it was time to take my health seriously, or to face another old trauma. It was a process of ‘on to the next phase’ and then standing still for a moment. I learned to listen to my body instead of bulldozing over it. Each wave washed away another layer of the old ‘me,’ until, beneath the mud, something of the true Divine Masculine finally became visible.

Instead of finding peace, I was forced to keep applying for jobs. I had to fight for a place in society while I was physically and mentally drowning. And then, at my absolute lowest point, my father passed away. My rock, my safe harbor.

The Absolute Silence

That was the rock bottom. Everything I was, everything I had built, and everyone I leaned on was gone. I sat at the bottom of a deep, dark pit. But there, in that total darkness, something strange happened. I knew: I cannot go any lower than this. From here, it can only get better.

When the message came that I was officially declared unfit for work, I felt no sadness or shame. I felt an enormous sense of peace. The struggle was over. I no longer had to prove that I was “strong.” For the first time in years, I was allowed to simply fall silent. That stillness gave me an unexpected strength for the future. I had hit the bottom, and I was still alive.

The Impact

Exactly during that period, when I was completely ‘empty’ and my walls had been swept away, he crossed my path again. And where the first encounter had been a confusing pull, this time it struck like a bolt of lightning.

It was a Kundalini shock, an explosion of energy that shook my entire system awake. The lightning didn’t strike my walls because they were no longer there but directly into my soul. The bomb went off, and for the first time, everything began to flow again. The years of merely surviving were over; the process of truly living had begun.